I'll be going to my hometown tomorrow for the funeral. It's so weird now when I go back (which I rarely do). I lived 22 years in my hometown and then moved 2 hours away, so basically I've lived in 2 towns my whole life. I've been here going on 20 years, so I guess this is my home now. Still, when I go back home (and it will always be "back home") I never know what emotions I'm going to have.
I used to get a little depressed when I went back home to see my folks. The town has changed (in some ways) and none of my old friends are there anymore. All I see are my parents' friends, which is not fun and I literally can't go anywhere with my mom & not run into at least one of her friends. I'm not good at chit chat & I just feel uncomfortable.
Recently, when I've gone back I don't feel much of anything. Still, I wonder what my life would be like if I had never left. Who knows and that kind of thinking isn't really productive anyway, but I have to think about something when I'm driving that boring 2 hours back home.
It's better when my wife and/or my son goes with me, but they aren't this time. At least I'll get to see my best friend even if it isn't under the best of circumstances.
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